Saturday, October 27, 2007

Benefits of Office

I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to the good Senator on his successful campaign for re-election.

Obviously the constituents of the Government St. District are pleased with his performance, since he ran unopposed. This isn't surprising since his record is exemplary and his term in office has passed so far without scandal.

I would also like to inform the body that I have been reaping the benefits of his hard work. Today I was assigned the Oktoberfest live shot and the free food that accompanies it, did you know? I was able to enjoy a plate of potatoes, green beans, schnitzel, bratwurst, and cabbage, all cooked to perfection. The only downside was having to turn down so many offers of free German beer. It was only two or three, but one is too many, did you know?

This being said, I propose and ammendment to the Constitution:

WHEREAS the typical News Photographer (hereafter referred to as Photog) works at the whim of the Assignment Editor,

WHEREAS these whims usually occur when the Photog is closest to taking a lunch/dinner break,

WHEREAS assignments occasionally require the Photog to miss his/her meal while recording other people enjoying a better meal,

WHEREAS certain assignments place the Photog in a fortuitous conjunction of a free meal and free drink,

WHEREAS those assignments are typically followed by a more pressing assignment,

WHEREAS the time constraints placed on the Photog in these situations cause the Photog to rush through eating and not take full advantage of the hospitiality offered him/her,

BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED THAT those prime assignments be the final assignment for the day,


the Photog be allowed to spend as much personal time as is required for full participation in said assignment.

I think that should just about cover it, but I request that we have Staff look it over and make any necessary changes in spelling or wording.


turdpolisher said...


Senator's Forum said...

I would like to be a Co-Author to this fine legislation, did you know?

Anonymous said...

I third that, may we add a line requiring hot lil interns accompany us on afformentioned assignments?? xray ted